* ]]___ Why can't youu love miie like dda wayy ii do..? __

Thursday, June 23, 2005

- What dda point orf loviing youu when youu doesn't care? 11:48 PM .

~Copycat?~
Haven't really been blogging lately. I'm ill, you see. Fever, cough, flu, usual backaches and all that. I hurted it once when I am sleeping, what I mean is my back. Just feel so troubled, like the world going to come down hard on me. Everything's not right, thought it seems perfect. I'm satisfied with the things I get in life. I'm not boasting and all that. But I always got what I want and I am satisfy with the things life have always in store for me. Sweet surprises and nice things. I can't be more better. I feel very lucky and all that. And I really do. I have a lot to thanks for. Such like my parents. I really envy them, being able to tolerate such a bad-tempered person like me. But my heart goes out to them, thinking that always wants the best for me and they kept those that wasn't really that best for themselves. Sigh. I should feel lucky but I hop that they should really stop doing that because I really feel grown up and loved. Mummy always tell me these: "No matter how grown-up you feel, you'll always be like the same little girl when you were first born out." And I'll be filled with tears. Mummy and Daddy always get me what I wants and I can't be more grateful. I really appreciate them. I do. But I still kept thinking that something's missing in my life. And I have this terrible feeling like the world's coming down on me and things shall be no longer the same. I really hope that as time goes by, I would really stop having this feeling. This terrible feeling would just fate away. Anyway, I just finished watching "At the Dolphin's Bay". It's such a nice show, or was it a movie? Owells. Whatever it is. It's so romantic and I was like in tears when I watch it. I can't help it at all, I'm just too emotional. It's all about love. And I was thinking: "Those kids in the shows really acts well. And it seems so real like they really cherished what they were going through. The difficuties, and their seperations." I was thinking of all that. They can cherish each other and all those around them and why can't people in real life just cherish what they have? And that includes me as well. I sometimes takes things for granted. Yes, I do. But I know it's wrong now. And why do people kept insulting others? Like copycats and all that? Why can't they think like: "Oh. Perhaps, it's just a concidence." Recently, there's this "Someone" who came and blog rubbishes at my blog. Saying that I should stop using the words "adorations" and "nicey nicenice". But I was like: "Why can't I use it?" Upon seeing the text, my first reaction was like: "Oh. This gotta be another stupid misunderstanding!" Sigh. It's all becuase I don't ever want to create a bad reputation for myself. Things isn't like that. Why people just think or just even turn back to see if they have actually make any mistakes? I am definitely someone who make mistakes, and in the past, I don't turn back to see if I have made those. But I do now and I am feeling a great deal of freedom and it's a great feeling. It's all because I have met someone who's actually making me feel that way. daniel. You make me turn back that one time to see if I have make any mistakes, and if I really did, I knew it's never too late to make amends. But people now just don't. What they shot off their mouths is like "Copycats". I knew that Shilin and I have this copycats misunderstanding in the past too but now we're on good terms already. And now, guess what? Another poppy head stuck out from nowhere and called me a copycat. Owells. I guess love's missing from my life. But I'm not going to sit there and cry and kept thinking about it. So long as I'm brave and have patient in waiting for it, I believe that it'll come to me. And perhaps, the love I'm waiting will last forever. I knew it will. Thanks, Dan. x)
* * * * Lurving Youu 429 Dayss * * * *

Monday, June 13, 2005

- What dda point orf loviing youu when youu doesn't care? 11:15 PM .

~Cursed~
Really have loads of fun today, definitely with Shanni and Eleanor. It has been sometimes since I went for a shopping spree. And that is what exactly I did today. I brought loads of things. Seriously hope Mummy and Daddy is not going to kill me. Laughs. Meet Shanni and Eleanor at Yio Chu Kang Mrt Station and turned out that Shanni is only there and Eleanor was at the second floor. Ask Shanni why Eleanor was up there, and she told me that she's wearing a skirt and it doesn't seems to go well with her outfit and all that. Girl, you looked perfectly fine to me. You know how to dress well, so don't say you don't! What I mean is that we all know how to dress well and all that. I am definitely not bring shameless by saying that just because I am straight-forward. Owells. I'm just being frank and all that. Hahas. And I'm also trying to let you have more confidence in yourself. Duh? Really hope that you can understand what I'm trying to do right, it's all for your own good. Does I sound like I'm like an old lady? Hope not. Laughs. Actually deciding to go to Bugis, but also don't know why last minute decided to go to Junction 8. Kind of weird. Went to Delifrance for lunch and spent a bomb there. After that, go and shop around. Eleanor decided to get a baggie, so choose one for her. And there she was again, hesitating about whether or not she should buy. Sigh. She still buy it in the end. Then we went to Gift a Name and I brought one with my name decorated on it. Then come out passed by the cinema. I told them if they want to catch a movie, then it's all settled. We're going to catch a movie since there is still time for it. We brought the tickets and went of to the shops again. Hahas. Brought sunglasses and a handbag. Eleanor brought a similar handbag too, the only difference is that we have the different colour. Then we gone off to the cinema because we don't want to be late to catch the movie. Brought a set of popcorns, ice-creams and drinks and go in to share. Ohh. I love ice-creams. Was there at my seat feeding the two of them ice-cream. Grins. I guess we were pretty noisy in the cinema because Eleanor and I were like laughing at each other over little things. Hahas. I guess the movie was pretty scary and I were like screaming or whatsoever you might think of. I guess I must scared Eleanor and Shanni out of their life, do I? Anyway, the movie was named "Cursed". The movie was pretty good but terrifying too. Just knew that I was shivering slightly when the movie was over because I feel so cold. Went home after that. We'll going to catch the next movie again on soneday. Ghost train. Creeps.

* * * * Lurving Youu 419 Dayss* * * *

Monday, June 06, 2005

- What dda point orf loviing youu when youu doesn't care? 7:31 AM .

~Chalet Funs~
Yes. Was back from Terrence's chalet and was told by my parents that the event was cancelled. Huh? To think that I have rushed home from his chalet and came back to see that it was being cancelled. Sigh. Should I have known that the event was cancelled, I should have stayed at his chalet longer. Owells. It's just fate. Anyway, to me, the chalet was quite fun and memorable. And here it goes -

* * * * Day 1 * * * *

Owells again. The chalet. Mum and Dad wasn't very happy that I have the chalet. But since I made some improvement in my exams and they're so-called satisfied, they let me have my way by letting me have my hair down [ meaning to relax ] and all that. Meet Daniel down there at Agnes' block there and we set off there together to Oucram Park Mrt Station to wait for Anna. But it turned out that we need to go to the Ang Mo Kio Mrt Station at the last minute because Shilin and Mad will be waiting for Daniel there and therefore, I had to tugged along together. Owells. It's okay after all. Reached the station already and found Shilin and it was then I remind Daniel that we need to meet Anna at Oucram Park Station and not to forget, Derek at Novena Station. Daniel said that Shilin and Mad said that we're able to take a direact bus to Downtown East but thinking of Anna, I just can't leave her behind and set off for DG Mrt Station to meet her there. And finally did I get to see her and we leave for Downtown East together. Was really far and far. But can't wait for the fun that's waiting for me! Was at the bus-stop there waiting for the bus and then saw Shilin and Mad, Daniel and Derek. Kept telling myself: "I must explain things to her!" Yes. Didn't talk to each other and I just want her to understand. Shilin, if you're reading this, I hope you won't mind if I actually seek help from Anna and Mad. Was asking them how am I to explain to you. And both of them give me the same answer, the calm way. Laughs. Right now, Shilin and I was back on good terms again. No more copycats, and there wasn't really any! Grins. Was really glad and high that things end up this way. We just sort it out and ciolence is not the way to solve the problem. Giggles. After that, time to go to Escape. But Anna doesn't want to. Therefore, me and Terrence stayed for a while to try to talk to her to join in the fun. She did join in the fun and it was she who was the most enthu. Been finding Mad and Shilin as we played but never seems to be able to find them anywhere else in Escape. Therefore, we comtinued playing. We went to play the so-called "Wet and Wild"? Owells. Forget about what it's called. What's most important is that we're all having a fun time. Duh? Still remember that ride is the very first ride. And Terr goes like this: "If anything were to happen to me, please write a letter to my grandmother." When we were going down the high slide on the "boat", Terr went like this: "Ohh, I was going to die! I was going to die!" And me and Anna were like laughing at him thought I felt frightened too. I'm scared of heights, you see. Actually, Terr seems to be afraid of heights too. We went to play on the Pirate Ship. You know? The ship that swings and swings and go high high? Yeah, that's the one. Anna wasn't frighten. But Terr and I was rather. Laughs. Felt that my heart was going to drop out and there's this really uncomfortable feeling on my chest. Ohh. I feel awful having even to think about it. Hahas. After that, we went to the new Haunted House in Downtown East. Yeah. I'm rather scared though. The queue was long but soon it's our turn. Anna was the bravest, I'm standing second and Terr was standing last. Timid? Owells. I guess so. Go in and saw the inn-keeper, thought was a ghost that's out there to scare and I kept making an irritating sound and kept tugging at Anna's shirt. Went throught the whole terrible thing. Guess that's the craziest thing I ever done, to enter a haunted house. Pushing aside the curtain, we walked and guess what? Beside us is like a prison or a cage and in there, there's a ghost screaming his or her lungs out at us. There's lots of creepy pictures on the walls. Pass by a ghost sitting on an electric chair or something? Owells. I mean no offence but I scold him bastard before I gone off, all because it scared me a lot. Laughs. Next is the bridge. A potianak was walking on it, with a long-flowing hair. I starts making the stupid irritating noise again, can't help it though. Dash across the potianak, half expecting that she'll turn around and frighten me. But she didn't. I'm day-dreaming again. Was out soon. And Terr kept telling me and Anna that the potianak was a babe because her figure was good and all that shit. He even said that he wanted to go in one more time but this time, asking for her number. Owells. I guess he's day-dreaming too. Owells. Finally found Shilin and Mad. And they said that they have wasted half their day looking for us. That's why we go back to Escape and enjoy ourselves again. We have fun on the Pirate Ship and Wild and Wet again. We went to the Haunted House again and this time, Dan and Derek was there and we cut the queue. But we all decided not to as there are lots of peeps looking at us. Grins. I backed out at the last minute and didn't went in. After all that, went to play loads of things like Rainbow but it wasn't scary at all. Sigh. Play till t's time for Escape to close. Laughs. After that, go back to chalet and take wallet and go for dinner. After dinner, went back to chalet again but we got bathe. Then I tidy up the room as well. But I kept thinking that there's no point tidying it up as the guys gotta make it dirty again. Owells. And they really did. Even plan that we'll all give Terr a surprise and we'll hide in the toilet. The guys will be eating out and will be back a few minutes before midnight. Because after mindnight is Terr's birthday already. Was in the toilet before midnight and waiting for them to come back. Shilin make up a lie, saying that we can't wait anymore and have gone off to the beach and when we heard her clap and "scream", we're to come out and sing a birthday song to Terr and everybody has to join in in what we do. Everything went fine. But I don't think Terr like it a lot. Maybe he thinks that it's childish or whatsoever. Laugh out loud. Deciding to go and see the sunset, Dan's idea. Go there to feed mosquitos all over. Hurts a lot. Ouch. But later also never also get to see sunset because we think it's either at the wrong side or whatsoever. Hahas. The most important thing to me at that point of time is to get some sleep 'cause I am really tired and sleepy. Hit the bed the moment we went back there and sleep. Never wake up till around 9. Day 2 is about to start.

* * * * Day 2 * * * *

I really really have nothing to say about Day 2. What I mean about that is that Day 2 is really slack. Nothing really fun or exciting about. But I thought it's real exciting when it comes to the early noon. When we sit around together and talk about ghosts and all that stuffs. But still, this would have gone on smoothly if not for Terr and Dan, for scaring us [ especially Shilin ] with the cockroach. Sigh. She cried, but I still amnage to calm her down. Sigh. Terr and Dan really spoiled the atmosphere. That's why the day became slack again. Everyone was calm, until it comes to the barbeque issue. Wenjun wasn't able to make it there with all the stuffs because his mum waon't allowed him to. Sigh. He said his mum was angry, but why won't he put himself in our shoes? Shilin and I have already discussed this issue during our lunch and I told her that Terr was wrong to have put Wenjun o be in charge of all these stuffs and it really did. But we can't blame anybody right now. Called Lynn and all that, making sure that he'll be here but he won't be as we know. Owells. But Jackson did made it there with all the stuffs and all that. He's the best! Ohh. But please don't get the wrong idea huh. Hahas. YinXiu, SiewHui and Lynn was there at the chalet! Yeahs. They brought lots of stuffs like charcoal and stuffs needed for the barbeque and all that. Some from Terr's house. Owells. After barbeque went home again for another unexpecting event. Owells. Had YinXiu, Siewhui and Lynn for company. Day 2 sound really slack and tiring right. Yawn. Now back to sleep.

* * * * Lurving Youu 412 Dayss * * * *

Saturday, May 28, 2005

- What dda point orf loviing youu when youu doesn't care? 10:35 PM .

~Tagboard Notice~
Heys, my friends out there. Just wanna tell you that there's something wrong with my tagboard and I will be having a new one made. Also to remind you all that I will be tagging what you all have tag just as to keep a record of blessings and compliments you all have made. Thanks and tag more. Please kindly take note.
* * * * Lurving Youu 403 Dayss * * * *

Friday, May 27, 2005

- What dda point orf loviing youu when youu doesn't care? 7:31 AM .

~i rule my own life~
I'm really kind of weird these few days. I'm kind of having mood swings and all that. And I vent my anger on my friends. Oh. I can't believe I did that. And I sincerely hope that I won't do it ever again. Owells. There's all these post exams activities and I think it was kind of fun as it kept us bust and all that. We're to do the bridge thingy and we did, though it's very simple and all that. When it's time to go to the hall for some performances they arranged for us and all that, we past by the library. And [ P ] was like walking with her friends behind me. And she goes like this -
[ P ]:: Not like her, she's always talking bad about [ F ] and [ S ].
In my mind, I was like: "Huh? What shit are you talking about?" Obviously, I already knew who she was refering to. Definitely, not Shanni, thought she was just walking beside me. I knew who [ P ] was refering to and that person is none other than me. You see, there's some misunderstanding between is and I don't even know what I do to make her hate me and all that shit. I'm not afraid to admit where I went wrong if I was the cause of the trouble, but the problem is that I don't even know that. And I guess neither did she. Whenever I pass by her, I have to tolerate her when she were to scold me all that ridiculous vulgarities. I'm not saying that I didn't use vulgarities, I comfessed that I did alright? But I don't use it everytime, I used it on situations in which I am unable to control myself and all that yeah? At least, I'm not like you. You are always carrying a mirror and looking in it. I don't how I look like. I'm not too self-consious like you. I don't care how I look, all that matters is that I feel comfortable in the way I am now. Yeah. I'm just not like you! That the way I am! You like it or not, it's none of my business! It's my life after all.
* * * * Lurving Youu 402 Dayss * * * *

Friday, May 20, 2005

- What dda point orf loviing youu when youu doesn't care? 11:21 PM .

~Sports Day 2005~
Cheers. The day was fun but tiring. It's Sports Day for our school today and our class will be selling things like tibits and soft drinks. The money we earned and made from the tibits and drinks sold will be the funds for the Fun Fair in school that will be coming this July. Owells. School will be dismissed early at 10.30 sharp because of the Sports Day thingy. That's why. In class, me and Shanni volunteer to sell curry puffs but in the end never sell curry puffs. Instead, we sell drinks, tibits and curry puffs together on a tray. So clever of us. Laughs. Shanni and Eleanor came to my house as usual but Mummy insisted on having us there at the coffeeshop to have some breakfast with her. So we all go to the coffeeshop there and have some drinks with her. After that, they go my house and we listened to some music sang by JJ. At around 11.30 sharp, we changed into PE and obviously, we need to go to the Stadium. But first thing first, we need to go to school to meet Mrs Wong but Esther SMS Mrs Wong to tell her that she's already in school and that she should be fast. Then, Mrs Wong SMS her back to tell her that she'll be in the stadium at around 1.25 sharp. So we went to the stadium and wait for her and she finally came. Wow! There's so many things to sell, and we helped to carry those stuffs out from her car and all that. We carried all those stuffs and there's so much. Therefore, I asked Mrs Wong if Eleanor can help out and she said that she can even thought she is in a different class from us. We moved the stuffs to the pathway there and slowly carry all the things to one shady place. Arranged all the tibits and stuffs on the table and the drinks on the side of the table. After that, lots of people had already came and buy drinks from us. Shanni and I took some curry puffs and tibits and put it on a tray and went around the stadium selling them. Loads of people I knew brought them from us. After going around the stadium once, we'll always go back to the stall and put more stuffs and all that to "replenish" the tray. Guess what? In no time, we've already ran out of ice and tibits as well. Liling and Shanni go to the shop near my house selling tibits there to buy more stuffs and all that. Without the 2 of them, Anna and I go around the stadium selling whatever we can do to sell. Loads of people brought those tibits and soon, Shanni and Liling came back because they took a taxi. Continue selling the tibits with Shanni and in no time, it's all sold. Everybody had put in effort in doing their part in earning the money for the class Fun Fair thingy. Love that. There's lots of peeps who brought the stuffs from us and special thanks to Eleanor and friends, Jasmine and friend, Bernard and friends, Huiming and friends, and lastly, Jiawei and friends. Love you all loads.
* * * * Lurving Youu 396 Dayss * * * *

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

- What dda point orf loviing youu when youu doesn't care? 10:54 PM .

~Always Be~
Owells. It's pretty fustrating almost at the end of the day. I don't want to be like that. You make me do that. Yeah. So it's none of my fault. I'm not pushing the blame onto others and definitely, I'm not that kind of person, am I? But if you haven't get it started, then we definitely won't be arguing right? Owells. Doesn't Engkiat thinks that he is pretty irritating and inconsiderate. Yes, I knew that you scold or sort of insulted Shanni. She's my friend but this is between you two, therefore I don't want to have anything in it as just to stay out of trouble. Okays. Then I was just looking at how crazy you looked when you insulted others and you were just like this: "Don't know who being rejected by [ C ]. This is totally fustrating and unacceptable by me. What I mean is that what did I do wrong? I was just asking you to stop insulting others and you said that? You're being very hurtful. Do you really know what really happened between me and [ C ]? Perhaps, you shouldn't have know all that. What's more important is that you should have stop giving my phone numbers to those people that I don't know. They are your friends, I know but it wasn't great just to interupt with other people' privacies. How will you ever react if I were to poke my head and mess with your privacies? You're not going to be happy and you'll probably be pulling a long face at me, right? Don't ever say that I am wrong in saying that okay? You said that I was being rejected by [ C ] but the truth remains well that it was I who rejected him. Okay? I'm definitely not going to be someone whom I barely know for a week and I don't even love or like him. But the main reason is that my heart is with somebody elses and will always be. I am not someone who cares about how the person I like looks. Looks doesn't matter to me at all, what I want is not looks! It's something more precious than looks, and that is his heart, his soul and most importantly, his mind. Perhaps, you might not know all this. You were like: "Heys. Did he message you?" Then, I will always give you the irritated look and say: "No!" But you will like: "Oh. Rejected" Please, please and please again! It's the other way round. It's me who rejected him okays and that's also none of your business. And I love someone else, so there no way for me to love [ C ]. That's what I think. I won't give up for the love that I seek for so hard and among the crowd out there, I found him. My dream, my prince, my life, my angel and my everything. Get it straight right now. I hate [ C ] but will always be devoted to [ Beloved Daniel ] and will always be. I love you.
* * * * Lurving Youu 394 Dayss * * * *

* ]]__ Memoriess Nort Forgottenn -

` March 2005 ` April 2005 ` May 2005 ` June 2005

__________. x[ [ Love's Curse ] ]x .__________
she couldn't stand the silence, she couldn't stand the tears
she couldn't stand her life, after only fourteen years
he was her entire world, she gave him all she possessed
he did the same in return, they were thought to be obsessed

their love couldn't be reached, can't touched by any other
they were all they needed, they only wanted each other
from two they became one, they made each other whole
they filled each other's void, they filled each other's souls

everything was perfect, everything was great
till one damning day, they were told they'd have to wait
her parents were taking her, to a distant place
they'd be torn apart, couldn't see each other's face

they swore they'd make it work, vowed to stay together
didn't care about the distance, they'd be together forever
she gave it all she had, she did her very best
but he still slipped away, he didn't passed the test

while she was thinking of him, he had found another
he said he couldn't do it, he talked it over with his mother
she was devestated, her heart was torn straight out
she'd been such a fool, she should have listened to her doubt

from then on they stopped talking, never spoke again
while he was with his new girl, she was dreaming of him
everyday she'd cry, she tried to fight off all the pain
but the hurting never stop, just shot throught every vein

months went by after the ending, but she only grew worse
she couldn't accept what happened, this was love's curse
it finally overtook her, she couldn't stands it anymore
she grabBed">Bed">Bed">Bed">Bed">Bed">Bed">bed a picture of him, and snuck out of the front door

she walked into the woods, found a secluded place
kept thinking of the past, and how she'd been replaced
hours later she was found, in a pool of her blood
and beside her they found, his picture in the mud

on the back read the reason, why she took her life
what he did to her, it seems like he had taken her life
thought physically he didn't kill her, he tore her soul apart
it's obvious how she did, it's from a broken heart

_____[[ dedicatedd to belovedd daniel ]]_____
# perhaps one day, i'll died from a broken heart, too.